Only a mothe r could love this liver
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
