The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
