cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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