Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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