so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
