he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize