I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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