oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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