I'm so fucking centered right now
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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