I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
are you so shy because you have an std?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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