Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Randomize
