My sheets look like a crime scene.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
