so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
