he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
