I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
