Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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