dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
