i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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