never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize