Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
