Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
