we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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