Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
