My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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