I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
