I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
