Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
