Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
