i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
