Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
smell my finger.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
