Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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