i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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