Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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