I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
