My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
