i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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