I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Congratulations! We have a period
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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