dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I will be naked everywhere
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
