Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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