my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
