Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
