i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
