Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
