They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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