wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
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