Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
