I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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