Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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