Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
