She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
