THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize