it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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