i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
