I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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