I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So much rum. So many feels.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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