So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
