I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Come on in and take your pants off
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