This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
