I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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