Need sex. Gaining weight.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
