Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
