im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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