I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
