it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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