And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
