yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
