just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
