I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
