So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
