I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
