Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
