what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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