it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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