she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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