Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
