i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
