I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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