yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
you had me at cake vodka
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
