blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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