Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
