Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
where are my eyebrows?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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