At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
