Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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