Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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