Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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