i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
