so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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