I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
