We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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