wanna go halves on a baby?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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