I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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