I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
