Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Yo dont text me then not text me
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
