I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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