Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
