I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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