I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm like, not good at living.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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