i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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