i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
