He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
